Looking In
by Ice Princess3
Summary: Sometimes appearances only mask what's really there...*songfic*


Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Higher Ground characters. The song "Looking In" is by Mariah Carey.  
A/N: Hey everyone. Wow it's been a long time since I've done an HG fic. So let me know what you think. This is just a short little piece to get me back into the swing of things. Thanks!  
  
Looking In  
  
She stared at the reflection in the mirror, she hated what she saw. She hated herself. She was never going to be good enough or pretty enough or thin enough. Never. Her mother had brought her home from the hospital two days ago. Well not actually her mother but her mother's driver. Her mother had informed her that she had no choice; she was sending her to a school in the mountains. A school that dealt with embarrassments like her. She arrived in her mother's town car once again with her mother's driver chauffeuring her. Her mother was too busy to actually come with her. She had already faxed in the necessary paperwork. She saw how the other kids looked at her expensive clothes, and her manicured nails with disdain. She overheard the cold blonde girl say 'What could be wrong with Miss Perfect?' If only they knew. She remembered the last words her mother said to her.  
  
"You're a Waybourne. I expect you to conduct yourself as one. Don't embarrass me if you ever want to come home again Juliette."  
  
But she doesn't know me, thought Juliette. No one does.  
  
You look at me and see the girl  
Who lives inside the golden world  
But don't believe  
That's all there is to see  
You'll never know the real me  
  
She was staring in the full-length mirror once again. She turned from side to side critiquing from every angle. Hannah and Peter said that she was looking healthier. Juliette knew what that meant. She was getting fat. Her jeans were tighter. Her eyes filled with tears. She was disgusting, grotesque. There was only one way to fix that. A few minutes later it was over. She flushed that toilet and brushed her teeth. She heard footsteps approaching. She quickly washed away the remnants of the tears she hadn't even realized were falling. And she put on her smile. The smile that said to everyone 'I'm fine. I'm perfect.' The smile that lied.  
  
  
She smiles through a thousand tears  
And harbors adolescent fears  
She dreams of all  
That she can never be  
She wades in insecurity  
And hides herself inside of me  
  
She hung up the phone gently in its cradle. Her muscles tense from the verbal tirade her mother had just unleashed on her. She should be used to it by now, but she wasn't. Some part of her remained ever hopeful that someday she would be good enough for her, for them. She had been a part of the cliffhangers for about two months now, but they still didn't accept her. Not really. She had overheard them talking numerous times. Calling her the pampered little princess. She had heard from her mother too. How much she was costing her. Juliette gave a self-deprecating chuckle. If only money could solve her problems. If that were the case she would have been better a long time ago. Shelby once told her that she didn't know what it was like to be poor and starving, really starving not the attention craving bullshit she pulled. And maybe Shelby was partially right. She didn't know what it was like to be poor and starving for food. But that was the only way to starve, and Shelby didn't have any clue what it was like being Miss Perfect Juliette Waybourne.  
  
  
Don't say she takes it all for granted  
I'm well aware of all I have  
Don't think that I am disenchanted  
Please understand  
  
Nothing really changes, she thought. I'm alone, always alone. Just watching, observing. They thought they were all so much better than her. More clever, ha! She saw through their facades. Just like she saw through her own each time she gazed into the mirror. She saw Kat's need to redeem herself. Ezra's struggle to find out who he really was, to live in a world not hazed by the drugs that had once protected him. Auggie's determination to not let his environment shape his future. Shelby was the hardest to read. She was as adept at hiding as Jules was. But every once in awhile Juliette could see the lost little girl that she was. But they never bothered to look at her, really look. But that was fine. Cause she knew that she would survive this. People could hurt her but they couldn't kill her, body or spirit. She was going to get out of this place. Become well, a normal girl. The girl she caught a glimpse of sometimes in the mirror, the real her.   
  
  
It seems as though I've always been  
Somebody outside looking in  
Well, here I am for all of them to bleed  
But they can't take my heart from me  
And they can't bring me to my knees  
They'll never know the real me...  
  
Review please!!! 


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